Then on the second round, that is where I got full of myself. A huge, wave that was still building up was headed our way. No dared to go for it. But I thought getting this wave will make me a legend. Bigger than winning the championship. So I went for it. I headed towards the still building up wave. I could hear the cheers and motivation coming from the crowd. When I got close to the wave I turned my board around and stood up on it. I had made it that far. The wave made a cave around me and it was the most amazing feeling. Then I heard more cheering. I wanted to wave at them but I knew I would lose my balance. But I did anyway. I put one hand up in the air waving, and just when I was about to come out of the water cave, I fell against the crashing wave.
I felt my self floating in the water. I could hear the faint distance of the announcers saying "Bethany Tonkin has just taken a nasty wipeout!" Then I blacked out. I woke up with the sunlight on my face. I realized it was morning. Hoping the wipeout was a dream I went outside. Then a bunch of reporters rushed towards me asking me a bunch if questions. Cameras flashed and I just stood there like an idiot until my brothers and my dad came out and kicked them out, threatening to call the police.
My Mom reassured me saying "You can't give up yet, you can still do this". But I knew I didn't want to face them again. I could still had time to choose. Either give up, or face my biggest fear : Being jugded and looked down on. I'm not scared easily, but what I'm really afraid of is what other people think of me. People say you shouldn't care. But I do no matter what. When people think of me, I want them to think something good about me not something bad. So to choose what to do I went out from my backyard to the beach, full of people who saw me wipeout. As soon I reached the beach, a bunch of teens wearing rash-guards that looked liked mine came up to me with surfboards asking me to sign their boards. I was ecstatic. So I smiled and signed their boards and they said "We thought you were so brave going after the wave."
"But I failed". I said. "Really bad".
"So? At least you tried. And you've got enough points to compete at the last match" One of the girls said.
"Yeah. Isn't that enough?" Another one asked. Then I thanked girls and left for home. As I was walking home I realized, I had people who looked up to me. All the things I thought would happened didn't even exist. I had just made it up in my head. Even after my failure my fans didn't want me to give up.
"So I won't" I thought to myself. "I can't disappoint them. No I won't disappoint them" I still had three days to win this champion ship. When I got home I told my parents I would compete. And they helped me train throughout the days.
The the day of the championship arrived. I had a good feeling about today. Reporters surrounded me. And I talked this time. They asked me if I could win this championship. I said "I'll sure try". I got in the water and I looked at the horizon. Today didn't matter if I won or not. At least not to me. What mattered was trying my best and not worrying about anything. Just going with the flow. Literally. I heard the sound of the horn. And it was a sound of a new beginning of the end.
Good job on your essay, what was your statement that you chose to support your narrative essay:)
ReplyDeleteI love your effort at a narrative and the fact that you took some advice and reworked it to try to improve. Overall it turned out great. On the technical side you need to start a new paragraph for each speaker (which looks weird I know) and you need be watch your tense (past vs present... especially when describing your thoughts) and your "voice" which between actual words and thoughts is awkward at times.
ReplyDelete